Dealing with Mr. Secret and Mr. Yesterday has helped me to really hone in on what I am looking for in a man. I’m done making exceptions. I’ve realized that though many say black women don’t have any ability to really be picky, because statistics show that more and more of us are remaining single our entire lives (and it’s not by choice), I am still not settling. Now settling has nothing to do with my preference. I know now that I may not get Mr. Six- Foot- Three, One Hundred Ninety Five Pounds, Caramel Skin With the Deep Brown Eyes. Every black woman is told of this “prince charming” that rarely ever appears, and if he does, you would probably wish you had never met him. He almost always comes with so much baggage, baby mama drama, a long, extravagant sexual history, and an obsession with women that appears to never go away. I don’t want him anymore. He’s usually used his looks to get him through many a good or bad situation, climbing up a ladder of success with women, in his jobs, and throughout college. He is “babied” by his mother and you would have to keep an eye out for his female “friends”, who have probably already had an experience with him that left her hanging around, waiting for him to wake up and realize that she is the one for him. I don’t want him.
I will be happy with a man who is black, of mixed race, asian, caucasian, hispanic, middle eastern, you name it, I won’t mind it at all. I can honestly say I have either dated, gone out with, or talked to almost every single race. I even talked to a guy from Persia who admitted that he had been interviewed by the FBI (needless to say that I believed his honesty and that he was not a bad guy, but I knew that he wouldn’t last for me because I was annoyed that when I wore heels, I towered over him). Height is an issue for me. I don’t discriminate against races. I only have a few stipulations that have no effect on a person of any race. This pretty much applies to every or any man.
For one thing, I prefer men that are involved in the arts, and more precisely, music. However it may be, I do not care, but I prefer to be understood by someone who either has a liking for all types of music, or at least, open to it. I would prefer to deal with someone who enjoys my singing, or at least, can bear that I do it every time I step in the shower. I would prefer someone who either plays an instrument, sings, is a freelance writer, an artist or at least, has an inclination to surround himself around those that do. That being said, if it isn’t so, I do not mind. I would not want to be around this person all the time. I wouldn’t want to be in the same group, or work with this person constantly. That would be too much. I would appreciate it more if they had their own thing and only offered assistance occasionally.
I also need to be with someone who has an open mind to Christianity, if they are not yet a Christian. Despite my religion believing that to be unequally yoked is to not be in the same religion, I just believe it has more to do with not being of the same faith. As long as the person is Christian, or open to the faith, by all means, I am open to what he has to offer.
I have a strict policy against cheating. As a matter of fact, I don’t stand for it. There seems to be this new fad where women have gotten accustomed to, and even believe that all men cheat. THIS IS A LIE LADIES. THAT’S WHAT MOST MEN WOULD WANT YOU TO BELIEVE, BUT IT ISN’T TRUE. Some men cheat, but not all, and it is possible to be with someone who does not choose to think with his other head when he sees a pair of legs pass by, if you know what I’m talking about. I am a faithful person and I expect the same respect and honesty that I give. I make no exceptions. I refuse to accept this as a “thing to get over”. If I am faithful, that person must also be faithful in return. I can honestly say that it is because I have NEVER stood for this type of behavior, that it has never been presented before me. I swear for no man, but I can hold my head high knowing that I was not with someone or dated someone who was also seeing another woman. A lot has to do with what you accept from the beginning.
Communication and a good friendship is key. I need to be good friends with the person I am with. I want to be able to have open dialogue. Regardless of disagreements, I do not believe in ever going to bed angry. We can agree to disagree, but why not discuss it in the morning? Why not kiss and makeup for the sake of a free heart before bed. I hate tussling at night with an angry heart or guilty conscience. I think that when you have found a true friend in the person you love, the friendship is what glues you together. I’ve found that if the person is only your lover, it is easier to replace them, but a good friend is hard to find, or to match. Think about the person you have had the greatest love affair with. Wasn’t he/ she your friend and confidant? If you’ve lost your love, don’t you still remain friends, or miss the friendship? Friendship is key. You have to like the person you are with in order to fully love them.
I would like someone who shows their mother and sister or grandmother love and affection and a lot of RESPECT. I’ve noticed that men that treat their mother and sister well, tend to treat their women well too. Men that come with family issues and a dysfunctional family background tend to carry that same background into their relationships. If that person has issues, as many of us do, I would want them to at least be able to talk about with someone who can help them, like a minister, counselor, or psychologist. It is something that must be dealt with, rather than repressed. I wouldn’t shun someone just because they have had a troubled childhood. At this point, who hasn’t?
I need someone who sympathizes with me at times, stands strong, but can admit when he feels a bit weak and needs my encouragement, is compassionate and caring to those less fortunate, allows himself to be loved, love, and can be intimate with ME, allows me to feel safe in his arms, is aware of his surroundings and loves to lend his services where needed to those that may not be able to repay him with monetary gifts. I need a lover and a fighter, but not in the sense that I will be fought with, but someone who can stand up for the underdog, and fight against injustice. I want someone who knows when he is presented with a real woman, like myself, and knows that he’s received gold; that a woman who just depends on her beauty to extract what she wants from people will only leave him naked and empty, but that a REAL woman will fill his heart with love, his mind with positivity, and his stomach with home cooked meals. A real woman knows that it is not enough to be a freak in the bedroom, a lady and a domesticated woman. Sometimes, all of that doesn’t really matter. A real woman knows that her genuine heart, good love, and her positivity will keep a good man coming back. I need someone who loves to love, and can allow himself to become inundated with my love. That’s NOT too much to ask.
Life is easy. We human beings make it difficult, sowing seeds of discord and searching for ways to hurt one another. We often times, forget the many good things that occur in our lives, and dwell on the negative. We are angry, bitter and ungrateful people, but the majority of us search for one pure thing. My desire to love, and be loved is the best thing I have inside of me. God has bestowed us with this beautiful gift that can warm and soften even the coldest, most callous heart.
I am excited because I have hope that one day, I’ll write a blog entry telling you all that I’ve found Mr. The One. Not Mr. Right Now, Mr. Yesterday, Mr. New Guy, or Mr. Secret, but Mr. The One. So no! I cannot settle! I don’t care what statistics may say. I cannot settle for less than what I know I deserve. Not everyone in a relationship is happy, and if that be the case, what is the reason for being in a relationship that is not fruitful? I refuse to settle, waking up everyday and wondering why I am still with someone that brings me no joy all for the sake of being “together”. I would rather become a statistic. An old maid. For those of you who have been blessed to find your Mrs. Or Mr. The One, do not take it for granted! For those of you that wait patiently, have hope. I am eager to hear your comments as well one day!
Remember, love more each day because tomorrow is not promised…