If I say I am Carmen, then I am Carmen. If I dream her up into existence, then she is real…
I just needed a place where I could come and be myself. I just wanted to feel vulnerable without having to rely on being in someone’s arms. I just wanted an audience, to praise me, or tell me I’m crazy, but either way, still show me some attention. I just wanted to kick that lonely feeling.
Carmen is my outside name. Carmen is my alias. She is my name at the clubs, on the street, or wherever I think she needs to show up. Carmen is my sidekick. She is my alter ego that allows me to say what I feel and be comfortable. In a world where it has become so difficult to voice your opinion and concerns, and nobody really cares as to hear how you really feel anymore, I had to let Carmen step forward to help me strive. I cannot give my real name, and I remain anonymous, due to my lifestyle and who I am behind this name.
This is the beginning of Carmen XueLi, but trust me, it is only the beginning!