I expected a text or a call, but there was nothing. I decided that it would help if I were to get some groceries. I had nothing in my refrigerator and my cupboards had nothing special. I felt like I should have some sort of junk, even though I had been a very healthy eater. I felt that now I had the given right to pig out as I pleased. At the supermarket, I walked up and down every aisle, plagued with indecision. By the time I had gotten home, something had taken over me and had a grip in my soul. It was tight and stifling. I figured it was like final destination and because I had cheated death and was meant to die that night three weeks ago, the sensation of the very breath being taken away from me was just that. Death. I called 911 and told them I was dying. I gave them my address. Then I blacked out.
Fire and Smoke
I was back in a hospital, and I knew it once I felt the IV in my arm and the shooting pain in my skull. I did not expect to see him there, sitting, waiting for me.
“Hey”, I said. It barely even came out.
“Hey. How are you feeling?” He got up and walked over to me, with a look of disdain etched across his face.
“Tired. Real tied.” Without warning, he leaned over and kissed me on the lips. I slipped my tongue in his mouth and the kiss became passionate. He pulled away and began speaking to me and for a moment I felt lost, or as if I was having an out our body experience. “I want you to move back to New York City”. His voice sound so serious. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to, but at that moment I could not concentrate. I was wondering why I continued to pass out. I just wanted him near. So many things were running through my mind and it bothered me that I didn’t have a way to clarify it all. I was so used to being on top of things that at that moment I felt totally useless. What was happening to me?
Some say that a life is a journey and I was beginning to understand exactly what that meant. Each passing day was torture for me. It was almost as if I was becoming someone else. No one saw what was happening and no one cared. Somehow the labyrinth continued to expand and I would continue to shrink. Life gets kind of crazy like that. Through it all, I knew there was one person I could count on and his consistency, though sudden, had proven to be faultless.
“When you get out, we have a lot to talk about. I’m involved in this case and we need to get lawyers involved too. We also have to get our stories straight because this is going to become big and as much as I hate the idea of this, and you may not want to go over what happened to you, we have to sit and talk about it.” He kissed me again and said “Get some rest. I”ll let your parent’s know what’s going on and hopefully we can get you out by tomorrow.” He made his way to the door slowly and, before walking away, added ” if anything, don’t hesitate to call me.”
How did we get to this place? I didn’t know what we were, or if we were anything at all. Maybe that was my mistake? Maybe Daniel was just being a friend that didn’t want attachments because of his marriage? I closed my eyes and promised myself I would worry about everything in the morning. I said a prayer through the splitting headache and left it all in His hands.