In And Out

I started talking to a guy about 3 weeks ago. That’s how long it actually lasted. Thursday would have made it one month. Sadly enough, I am convinced I am meant to be single forever… or at least, until I get my head together.

This guy, who we’ll call Mr. Actor, unfortunately didn’t keep the momentum going. He realy had me when I learned he quit his job, sold his house, called off wedding plans with his fiance, and moved to New York to pursue his dreams of being an actor. Not only did he talk the talk, but man could he walk the walk. With an agent, an apartment in Park Slope, Brooklyn, and the tenacity of an ant, this guy knew the meaning of selling himself and hustling. He worked hard, but played even harder.

After dating for a short time, we slept together. It was only once, but he was great, despite not being able to last and having a flacid dick. I mean guys, I waited and waited for him to get hard again, but he just couldn’t. I also assume it was his marijuana habit that had some effect on his limp Asian noodle. Eh?

Did I cry?

Well this morning, after not having a full conversation with him in about a week, and attempting to make plans he could never go through with, I sent him an email asking him to just let me know if he was still interested. After a few more hours of pondering on that email, he definitely didn’t respond, so I set a cover up email so that I didn’t feel bad for putting myself out there. In the second email, I just told him to ignore the first and that I wish him all the best in his career. He didn’t call or respond to that one either. I called him and of course, it wet to voicemail. I left one of those confused messages where I stuttered a bit and hung up.

I feel like I’m fighting the forces of nature. I feel like the strangest thing keeps happening to me. It’s like I’m in the twilight zone and I’m constantly meeting these great guys, and then suddenly, the power goes out, or they just get weird and I’m left walking back to the starrting point, picking up the pieces of my broken heart. It is really sad. When is eough enough? When will God be enough for me? It has to stop with me in the labyrinth, going nowhere. It is so tiring at this point.

I have to tell youv guys about Mr. Ssecret (gasp) calling me the other day to tell me how much he missed me and how that went from 100 to -35 in a few days. That’s for tomorrow.

Oh yeah and guys…. I love you. Thanks for reading.

Carmen xoxo

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