WTH Man!

So I’m attempting to open up my sms message app to text this guy I refuse to call a “Mr.” And it opens my Holy Bible app and then, my WordPress app, so here I am, writing… which feels so good anyway. So I have a 3 pm date with this guy I’ve known since elementary school but guess what? I don’t know his ass. For all I know, God forbid, he could be a molester or a killer. I’m not feeling him. I don’t like the sound of his voice, and here I am trying not to be mean, but as soon a s I finish this blog entry, I’m calling him and telling him that something came up. I’m a busy woman and I don’t owe him anything! He’s the one that’s pursuing me.

Maybe in another place, another time, possibly if I hadn’t dealt with Mr. Secret, I wouldn’t be so damaged. I keep flashing back to his body over me, kissing me, tell me that he missed me. I keep flashing back to his eyes staring intently, deeply into mine and realizing that we were not just having sex anymore. I hadn’t felt that way about someone in a long time… not since my first (my ex).

Maybe it’s because I’m young, naïve and foolish, but I’ve got to draw the line somewhere. I’m am not allowing myself to be drawn in just because the person is interested in me. I’m tired of the bs. PLUS get this… when this guy called me yesterday to ask if I would rather do the movies, I asked how we would get there and he said “the way normal people get around… transportation. Van, bus… train”. I was immediately turned off. I’m sorry but I can’t. I can’t do this to myself and I can’t sacrifice my precious time for someone that I’m not interested in.

I have an older girlfriend (she’s 49) that claims I should just go and enjoy the date with this guy as a friend. Ugh. Idk about all that guys. My heart is conflicted but I’m leaning towards not going. I’m just feeling bad that I am only 2 hours away from our date time and I’m cancelling. He may have been getting ready and everything. Damn. I’m a bitch.

Carmen xoxo


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