Have I Told You Lately… That I Don’t Love You?

Today, I spent a good portion of my day working on some very important things, and writing. Somehow, my mobile phone began acting crazy. I decided to just clear some things off. I have been using an application that held all of my selected sms messages and I decided to go through them. In them, month by month, sometimes day by day, I saw that Mr. Secret and I had many conversations. I started reading between the lines.

It’s easier for men these days to stay single, longer. They have vaj-jay jay’s thrown at them everyday. It takes a man of courage and strength not to cheat on his wife, girlfriend or fiance. It’s sad that we women have become accustomed to the stories or even being cheated on, but it’s our reality. I’m at the point where I am really really tired of hearing about men that cheat. I would love to hear about men that remain faithful to one woman. I’m asking for a lot, huh?

I mention that because he’s getting booty thrown at him on a constant basis and he is in no condition to turn anything down. He’s very happy with all the sex he can have and even though I know he has strong feelings, sex is his number one priority right now… not a relationship. Not me.

Anyway, after reading the messages, I felt sorry for myself in the past. Poor soul. I allowed him to mistreat me, speak to me in a derogatory fashion, and I just couldn’t get it. I kept trying to show him how great I was, and that I was capable of being the woman for him, but he wasn’t the man for me! He was clearly trying to tell me and show me that he cared a whole lot for me, but that he was only into the sex and friendship. I guess I misinterpreted the moments we shared and assumed that maybe he was feeling me more than I had originally thought. I know myself. I’m not the type of woman to chase anything, but if someone that I am interested in shows me they are interested, I’m ready to explore things. The only problems with that was that he played on my emotions, and I believed him when he filled my head with hot air. I also assumed our friendship was strong enough, but I should have never let him conquer me. It was all down hill after that.

We no longer have a friendship. (Insert sad face here). I learned a few big lessons though.

1. KEEP YOUR LEGS CLOSED. SAVE OPEN SEASON FOR YOUR COOCHARA WHEN YOU CELEBRATE YOUR HONEYMOON.
2. YOU WILL NOT DIE WITHOUT SEX.
3. IT IS BEST TO HOLD ON TO A GOOD FRIENDSHIP, RATHER THAN SACRIFICE IT FOR INTIMICY.
4. IT FEELS AMAZING IN THE MOMENT, BUT THE TEARS ON YOUR PILLOW WILL ACCOUNT FOR THE PAIN THAT’S INEVITABLE FROM PROMISCUITY.
5.A MAN’S AGE DOES NOT DETERMINE HIS ABILITY TO LOVE, SETTLE DOWN OR EVEN BECOME A MATURE INDIVIDUAL. AGE HAS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH MATURITY OR HOW A PERSOM CAN LOVE YOU.
6.YOU ONLY TAKE WHAT YOU THINK YOU DESERVE.

I deserve the best.

I learned so much more, but for the most part, these are the lessons that stick out the most. I’m telling myself I’m over him to ensure that I do move forward. I guess losing the friendship is the most difficult part. No more dinners, hanging out, and doing all the things we did together. I will get over this though. I was able to get over all my other Mr.’s so I’m sure I will heal. I want to stop thinking about him though. I want to feel the same way he feels about me. He functions just fine without speaking to me, so so much for “missing” me as he claimed. All the apologies and the hugs and kisses and talks where he wanted to fix things between us were a total lie, but now I know that a man will say anything to get what he wants. Now that I know this, I’m like a bitch. I have no time for game players, and I feel like I can smell bullshit a mile away. I’m better at this than I ever thought I would be. I never thought I would play the game.

The biggest lesson I’ve learned comes from a naive thought I walked around with. I always said “men can play the game, but I’m not playing so therefore, it doesn’t affect me”. WRONG! Whether you want to or not, you’ve got no choice but to play. There is NO side bench and like dodgeball, if you don’t pay attention to the game, you wind up walking out bruised. I’m going to study the play and watch and wait. Mr. Secret may have broken my heart, but hopefully, this is the last story of unrequited love.

Carmen xoxo

I hate men right now. Leave me alone… grrrrrrr….

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