Making Lemons

Yesterday, Mr. Secret hit me up. He was in my neighborhood and wanted to see me. Of course I responded an hour later to ensure that I wouldn’t lose my strength. He had wanted to see me all week. I realized it’s pure physical for him. I sent him a text, hoping he would realize that he wanted me. After all the things I said, his response waS simply “ok”. I mean listen guys! I sent him a novel. I sent four texts and that was his response!? Ok.

I cried like a baby last night. He text later and said he really wanted to see me, but that he was no longer home. He was with someone else, I gathered and stopped responding to me. I guess he was rolling in the hay with her. I guess I meant nothing to him.

Mr. Secret held me close and whispered in my ear one day last week. We were around some friends and when he did it, it felt natural, but he did it and shortly after, my friends knew that something was up. One asked me later that evening if we were a couple. Mr. Secret doesn’t mind showing his affection in public. He’s rather territorial. All I know is, I can’t keep doing this. The pain I feel from his sting is not worth it. I’m going back to celibacy. Yes. I said it. Celibacy.

Celibacy. It rings in my ears. It sounds annoying. It sounds like a make-believe word for make believe people who don’t exist, or maybe they once did. All I know is, that word is the key to my sanity and my strength. I gave Mr. Secret MORE THAN enough chances. I gave him my heart and he stomped on it.

We are brought together for a reason. Maybe only for a season, but we cross paths to enlighten one another so that we come out of the darkness. He loved me. I will step out on a limb and say he was scared, but at this point, his season is over.

I guess the most difficult part of it all is… to let go…

Carmen xoxo

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