Guess What? I Was A Good Girl!

Hey guys… so last night, I didn’t go. I had a long ride home and in that ride, I had a long talk with God, and I heard His voice, and I listened. He reminded how Mr. Secret always makes me feel and how he is a secret for a reason. He shouldn’t have to be a secret, and I should be able to tell the world that we are in a relationship, but we’re not, and I deserve that…

So last night, after the upload, I sent him a few texts:

I thought about… I’m becoming too dependent. I’m expecting you to handle something that isn’t your responsibility. I know you’re tired anyway, so don’t worry. Besides, every time we do this, you only withdraw from me more. Have a good night and I’ll c u…

Then I didn’t hear from him, so like an idiot, I kept going:

I know you’re relieved lol…. I won’t ask anymore.

Then I got suspicious and said he must be sleeping because he wasn’t responding (and I knew it was late anyway). Well he did respond and he told me what he was doing and then said it was a long story. Even though he told me what he was doing, I just figured he was with a woman. I always think he’s with a woman. I couldn’t do it anymore. I just felt like I was losing my mind. It was just hurt because everything would always be more important than me. Then I wrote:

Well if that’s how ur night ended up, I don’t feel bad. Whatever ur doing, get home safe. I know I won’t have to explain myself further. I just don’t like feeling like a burden to anyone, and I need to control myself anyway. I’m sure u feel the same way anyway. ttyl.

Then I did explain myself:

I’m not one of those girls. It just doesn’t feel right bcuz I crave sex every day, but I care about u deeply and it’s one sided and it feels good in the moment, but afterwards, u make me feel like shit, so I’m not breaking myself down anymore. I have to put my heart first.

He never responded.

Carmen xoxo


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