Ranting And Raving

A Saharan village in Mali

Image via Wikipedia

My good friend reminded me about the Jamaican saying “good, better, best”… well I thought about it and I am looking on the bright side… guess he couldn’t see the best in me because he was not good enough, but I thank God He has better in store. His loss, NEVER mine- BELIEVE THAT! 😀 I’m SO over it! DONEEEEEEEE! LOL

That was my rant today. I was ready to post it up on Facebook to let Mr. Secret have it, but I declined. Why? Eh… maybe because the Lord is really trying to deal with me. I’m trying to let Him work, but it sure ain’t easy y’all. I want to just let everything go with Mr. Secret… especially because I have a crush on someone new…

Yes… you read correctly. I’ve wanted to stop in my tracks, but there is something about this young man who draws me in. I only get to see him once a week. He started coming to my church a few months ago, and believe it or not, he’s still there, which means one of two things: 1. He is hopelessly single, praying for any woman in the church to take him up, or 2. He has a deep personal relationship with God. I think it’s the latter.

Well normally, as you know, I give my guys a name like Mr. Secret or Mr. Yesterday, but there is something strange about this one. Idk guys (shrugging shoulders with puzzled look on face). It’s like this: even though I’m totally crushing on him, HARD, I won’t tell him. I avoid him and I occasionally say hi, but I try not to stir up any conversations. I just don’t want to be in another epic fail situation, you know? I know you guys enjoy reading about all my Mr.’s, but honestly, I’m tired of being hurt now.

Over the weekend, I found out that one of the Mr.’s I’ve spoken about here on Carmen XueLi got back with his ex girlfriend. Oh she’s a scandy one too guys. DISH: So she had cheated on him with a married man, had unprotected sex and then sexed him up for the majority of their 4 year relationship, back and forth, and even got preggers, and when she finally told him, she also told him he should get tested because she caught something. SMH. He got tested twice and was cleared, but the fact that he went back to her made me feel sick inside. Idk why. Just too mushy and wimpy and sickening for me to handle. I always knew his pathetic ass would go back to her, but hey, what do I care? I threw him away because he had no balls and he annoyed me. I was bored SMH.

Well, now Mr. Secret and I are on normal terms, but he pisses me off at times, and I’m too tired to fight. I just want him to go marry the stripper of his dreams and fly a kite to Timbuktu. What?!

Don’t tell me you’ve never messed or been with someone you just wished would disappear forever because maybe it was the biggest mistake of your life that you attempt to view as a blessing in disguise, but every time you see the bloke’s face, you want to put a jack hammer to it.

I’m just keeping it real…

Well today is my day to vent and bitch and be a bitch if I feel like it. I’m just annoyed at this point. Maybe that’s why this new angel of a guy can’t be my Mr.? Maybe I would taint him! Or worse! What if I hurt him? Ok… maybe I’m getting ahead of myself. I can’t even pronounce his name properly. Let me center and regroup.

Sigh.

Ok guys. Well maybe I’ll just wait patiently. Remember I said I wasn’t going to play the game anymore; that I have given it all to God? So far, very good! I’m celibate… I’m not dying like I imagined myself (you know… me, Carmen, lying on a hot Saharan desert ground, sand storms all around me, reaching upward and outward with one hand as I crawl towards a mirage filled with sexy men, whisper “penis, please, penetration” LOL). That’s my imagination for you all! Hehehe. Anyway, let me reverie into reality here. So yes, this hott guy with the most amazing smile that lights up my heart (honest to God), appeared like an angelic being, out of nowhere! He’s from Guyana. LOL. He has a super hott accent that normally would stir up my imagination and I would think about taking him down, but you want to know something? I’ve prayed to God to take the desires away and now they are gone. Completely gone! I can’t even look at a man and picture things getting hot and steamy. I’m cured!!!!!!

Well, as usual, I’ll keep you guys posted on the never-ending dismal spiral called The Life of Carmen XueLi. I feel pretty hopeful about the rest of my life though, if that brings you guys any comfort!

No?

It doesn’t really matter?
Just as long as I keep posting and I continue to give you guys something to read huh?

Well alright! Fine…

Carmen xoxo

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