Can you guys tell that I haven’t been in the mood? I’ve decided to become a non-practicing lesbian until I can pull the pieces together. Over the weekend, I made it my business to concentrate on my list of 20 requirements and qualifications for my future husband. Yeah… yeah… yeah… Think what you want, but you know what?! (Finger wagging action going on at this point… just imagine me waggaing my finger at you, squinting one eye REALLY hard). I think the problem with most of us women is that we settle for every and any little thang that comes by! You know I’m right! We are more concerned with just snagging a man, that we push and push and get left with nothing special. If you have to push, do you really think it’s worth it? Shouldn’t a person want to be with you because you’re just that awesome? Do you know how awesome you are? Maybe that’s the problem. I can relate…

Over the weekend, I’ve been allowing myself to listen to others. Normally, I don’t take relationship or “single lady advice” from people. I’ve found that these days, anything goes, and people want you to believe what they believe simply because they believe it, without facts or reason, but two things from two different people stuck out to me and I have heeded to the calling. The first thing I heard was from a friend that went to a women’s church retreat. An older, married woman had a little talk with my friend, and my friend’s friends. Friend’s friends… yeah that makes sense lol.

Out of everything my friend told me, the biggest thing that hit me was when she said this woman told her that women are not specific enough. Not specific enough? Is this woman insane? Does she not see that there are only like 15 guys left on earth that I would possibly be attracted to, and out of that 15, half are gay and proud, half of that half are convicts in prison, and almost all the rest are cheaters? Then maybe the two left behind that are great are taken, or total bores?! How can I be specific? Weeeeeeeeeellllllllllll, here’s the kicker! She said the woman said be specific and also HAVE FAITH! Oh yeah! Faith like a mustard seed! Prove God, right? I mean, He is God, isn’t He?

Well the other thing that struck a chord was a guy friend that said to me, “well Carmen, you’ve got this great list with all these things you want in a man, like abs and great skin, but what do you have to offer?” I stuttered for a minute and blurted out “LOVE”!, like it wasn’t an obvious answer. Duh? “Not good enough”, he said. Wtf? I thought I would slap him. My love is good enough! I whined in my head “why not”??? Then he went on to say that I have to recognize something about myself that would draw any man in, and then hone in on my confidence, because that’s what will set me apart. Finally, we came to the conclusion that the writer in me, and the artsy fartsy, singing, creative gal that I am are these traits I have that set me apart. All my creative juices make me special! I NEVER EVER thought about that. I was trying to persuade him with talks about how I’m domesticated and clean (HAAAAAAA!) And he wasn’t interested. He kept saying “not good enough”. I wanted to slap him, but I finally got the jist of what he was saying. Every man is different. Some men are attracted to certain things, and if I never gain that confidence within myself, and the things that make me special, I am just a bland glass of water. Nothing will set me apart.

Well, confidence is a huge issue I have, but that stems from me not feeling adequate enough because of the things I don’t have accomplished. Granted, we Christians are supposed to be confident because we are children of God. Somehow, I’ve never quite mastered that confidence. I feel that I am possibly smart, but to say I am an intellect would be a push without a Ph.D. backing me up. Those things seem to automatically make people appear smarter than they truly are. I guess certain accomplishments would strength my confidence, but guys! I need time to get these things together… which is why I’ve decided that I refuse to date or even look around with intentions to date until I have accomplished a few of these goals.

I’ll keep you guys posted.

Carmen xoxo

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2 thoughts on “Moody

  1. Good luck Carmen 🙂

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