Vengence Is Mine

I know that I am over Mr. Secret. I have been hurt, but you know what guys? I know that I am at fault for a lot of what happened. Over the years, this guard that was up has weakened, and it’s become open- heart season; almost like I’ve allowed a free for all with love. I had to realize this very morning, that I have so much potential to be even greater than I am, but that even with my potential, I am great on my own, because I do have so much to offer the universe. Yes I said it… the universe. We are all spirits that give off a certain energy that magnetizes to one another, and the vibes and signals we carry out attract what we have inside of us. Open-heart season is closed as of this very morning. I am putting up a new guard… maybe a steel guard that has a lock that requires a finger print, or special code that only the “One” can open.

These are the last days. I can’t expect any better from this world, filled with selfish people… greedy people. Everyone seems to have their own agenda when it comes to love. I’m tired of the tears, confusion and anger. I have let go of not only Mr. Secret, but all the other past men I’ve dealt with or dated. I think it’s time to really see and accept my worth and know deep in the pits of my heart and soul, that I am more worthy of the love I give.

I’m going to do something I never do. I’m going to list the qualities I know I have:

I am beautiful.
I am smart.
I am a great listener.
I am very funny.
I am great at helping people.
I am a spititual woman.
I am interesting.
I am a go-getter.
I am fun.
I am a pusher and I encourage people instead of putting them down.
I am sexy.
I am understanding.
I am trustworthy.
I have lots of love to give.
I look for the good in every situation.
I can adapt to almost any situation.
I am a caring, compassionate person.
I am friendly and I can talk to a wall if it would answer back.
I am strong.
I never let my circumstances affect my goals.
I am an over-achiever.
I enjoy spending time with people.
I am humble.
I am considerate.
I am me. There is no one else like me. I am a catch. I deserve a catch in return.

I’m done looking, open-heart season is closed, and from this day forward, Carmen has dropped the soft ass batch of cookies persona. I can’t be vulnerable with everyone and continue to give pieces of myself, and be left with nothing. I am worth something… something good. I deserve it. God knows my heart, and at this point, the greatest thing I can do for myself is concentrate on me and forget about payback or getting a man to prove to Mr. Secret that others may want me, because at the end of the day, that’s not what’s important. I have to love me first before anyone else can. Clearly I haven’t been loving myself enough if my guard was broken down so easily. He came in with a bulldozer, rammed down my wall, and hopped out of the bulldozer, walking away calmly without even turning around to see if I resurfaced. I allowed that to happen because I didn’t put myself first. I didn’t acknowledge to myself that I was worth way more than that, but God knows my heart. If anyone else has been here before, or is going through the same thing right now, I’m praying for us, that our hearts will mend and that we will resurface and put the broken pieces back together— and not with crazy glue, but CEMENT!

Carmen xoxo

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