Last Night

I decided to be the bigger person guys, because this kidy shit was getting on my nerves.I sent an email to Mr. Secret, apologizing for my behavior, and my words and actions. Surprisingly, he responded and also apologized, saying things like he enjoyed the intimacy between us, but it wasn’t genuine. I had to find out from a mutual friend that he was seriously seeing someone else, which hurt me so much, because I knew about other women, but not a serious woman. Had he told me that, he knew I wouldn’t have even let him munch my lunchbox. I’m not looking to be his best friend, or even his friend again, but I’m glad we let that go. I’m not pushing the whole thing with Mr. Six Figures either. He was left in my past for a reason. His alcohol issues had affected our friendship/relationship drastically and if he hasn’t changed, what’s the sense in going backwards, because that’s essentially what I’d be doing. If he hasn’t changed, we wouldn’t be moving forward, and y’all know I’m all about progression.

I remember when my ex and I would make love, and how passionate it was. I remember I could feel his love, and how he would hold me when it was over. I remember the way he would kiss my forehead and just how real those intimate moments were. I remember how we would tell each other we loved each other so much, while allowing our souls to intertwine. I want that again.

Somehow, I wonder if we have this distance because we are meant to eventually be together again? I don’t know. Maybe Mr. Right is right before me, and I can’t see it? I don’t know anymore.

Well… I guess this is drought season for me now. If things change, you guys will be the first to know. Until then, I’m done dating, experimenting, sexing, sexting, all that. I need a vacation.

Carmen xoxo

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