Ugh

I just got off the phone with Mr. Tall, Dark and Handsome and it wasn’t pleasant at all. We got into an argument because he claims he wanted to see me, and I because I pretty much told him we couldn’t kiss again, he flipped. He said he wasn’t trying to kiss me again. When I heard that, I felt good, so I figured we were normal friends again. I told him I was still on the train and asked him if he was picking me up. He then proceeded to tell me that I could”just go home”. Then he said “have a good night”. I said good night and hung up.

Part of me feels hurt, but I mainly feel relieved. Even though we’ve been friends for about 10 years, he’s always liked me and even when I assumed it went away, it never did. I really don’t want any more friendships based on lies, or that are wrapped up in hopeful beliefs that one day, I’ll give in, because I won’t. I’m content with being single forever. I can devote my life to a church or adopt a child if I feel impressed to love and be loved. A man is not the only source of love. God is love.

I’m sick and tired of being tossed to the side like an old rag doll. I am worth more. I am worth the trouble. I deserve to be loved and I deserve to love. It shouldn’t be forced, fake, or painful.

Remember this: love does not hurt.

Carmen xoxo

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