Sand In My Phone

So I’ve learned my lesson! Never ever go to the beach at night with a tall, dark, handsome man that has an accent and expect that you won’t wind up in his arms, passionately kissing each other. Damn.

I was hanging out with my long time friend. We’ll call him Mr. Tall, Darl & Handsome. He bought a new car and he came to pick me up. He bought me some food and we drove to the boardwalk/ beach and sat in the car and talked. He’s a part- time professional soccer player (mmm hmmm) and he has the sweetest personality. Of course, I’ve never ever EVER seen him like that before, and I still don’t.

We eventually got out the car and walked on the boradwalk. Soon, we were on the sand, walking towards the shore. It was such a beautiful night last night. Then of course, me being the adventurous, spontaneous person I am, decided to climb a lifeguard chair and sit. He came up and the two of us were fine until I had begun to get cold…

He wrapped his arms around me to keep me warm and I kinda just fit into them (his arms). We talked for a bit, and then, out of nowhere, he bit me! Not once, but twice on my chin/ right cheek area! I was so angry, but shortly after, after attempting to bite him back on his shoulders, we kissed.

It wasn’t planned and he agreed when I said we couldn’t ever kiss again because we’re friends. Can I share a secret with you guys though?

While we kissed and I closed my eyes, all I could think about was Mr. Secret and how much I’ve grown to love him, and how hurt I am that he doesn’t want to share his world with me anymore. What is he so scared of? Settling down? Maybe he isn’t the one, like I assumed he’d be? I need to pray…

So I didn’t feel bad about kissing Mr. Tall, Dark & Handsome, because hey, I’m single, he is single, and nobody was hurt in the process, but I did feel bad in some way, like I was betraying Mr. Secret, even though he isn’t mine, and doesn’t even want to be. Mr. Secret puts up this stupid wall to push away any woman that  seems to get too close. I know I said I wouldn’t discuss him anymore, but until we come to a solid conclusion and get some closure, we cannot continue to move forward. People are telling me that it’s evident Mr. Secret loves me, and he himself has apparently danced along the lines of saying that he does, but I guess he lives in fear of the unknown and unknown of what we could be, or if we could even last, or if he could live up to my expectations I’m pretty much over it. At this point, I just need closure to move forward, but I know the love will remain for quite some time. As a friend of mine said “you don’t just pick up and stop loving somebody like that. You’re in denial and you’re hurt because you’re in love!”

As for Mr. Tall, Dark & Handsome, we’ve already discussed that the friendship will remain and that it was just because we were caught up in that moment. It was romantic! Don’t judge me! It would have happened to you too! Anyway, I’m not taking that anywhere, especially because when we kissed, I felt nothing. Maybe I am in love with Mr. Secret?

Lucky me…

Carmen xoxo

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