My dream has always been to audition for American Idol. I’ve been watching the show since it began and I’ve seen every finale. In my heart, I’m a performer and whatever medium I can channel myself into, I try to utilize. Unfortunately for me, I lack support from family and most friends. People these days are more caught up themselves than what their friends may be going through (which is one of the reasons I created the blog. I needed to find a positive outlet for my feelings. People can be so cruel or negative and half the time, I don’t even get to finish saying what I feel). Most people would even know that singing is my true passion, despite the fact that do it just about everyday, traveling from place to place and singing with/for many different people. My immediate family couldn’t give a damn. It’s so strange to me, but I believe it has always been this way.

My sessions have caused me to realize something. Growing up in my household has never been easy for me, nor has it ever been comfortable. I had to mature at an early age, and learn to fight for myself, in every aspect. It’s wound up being the source of my anger. I’ve been disappointed and heard the word “NO” so often, that I’ve become so accustomed to it. I wish I could say that it doesn’t hurt, but the pain never seems to go away. My family is just not a support system.

This year, the closest auditions are in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. The ticket from NYC, roundtrip, are $179. I have so many other things to really worry about, that I’m really unsure of where the money is coming from. I really wanted to go this year, even if it’s by myself. I don’t care. I just want to give myself an opportunity to do something I never thought I could do, and actually couldn’t do until this year.

We all have stumbling blocks. Some are in the forms of our lack of education (or too much), children, spouse’s, family or even friends. Some stumbling blocks come in the form of circumstances. When God removes that stumbling block, that is your time to jump on your dream and run… riding it until the wheels fall off LOL! I just feel a bit saddened this morning. It’s not like I’m not sitting around, waiting on all my miracles to happen, without putting in an effort.

I’m soley depending on God to pull me through. He has always been the source of my support, and I know He is my backbone. I just want things to work out for me, and all my readers, in a way that allows us all to be happy, and live our dreams in a positive way that brings us closer to happiness each day. I want to shine my light for everyone to see, and inspire them, showing them that God is real and that it’s never too late to live out your dreams.

My only fear is the fear of not going. I don’t mind waiting in a line that looks like a sea of people. I don’t mind being turned down. I just want to show up and bring what I have to bring to the table. If it suits the judges, they’ll put me through. If not, I tried, and nothing beats a try! I hope things work out. Wouldn’t it be the greatest story ever if I’m writing this now and make it to the finale, with confetti falling all over me?

Impossible things are happening everyday…

Carmen xoxo

Live your dream…

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