F@ck You! Woohoohoo!

Have you ever been around tons of people and still felt completely all alone?

I need a cigarette…

I need a drink…

I need a drink and a cigarette…

I’m dying for my sessions to come once a week. Maybe once a week isn’t enough? I feel like I need this one way relationship where I can dump ALL of my problems on this woman, as if she’s a trash can. Poor woman. I need Jesus. Nothing seems to be working. I don’t know, but Mr. Secret has made everything feel a million times worse, like they’ve compounded and doubled, tripled, or quadrupled. Around him, I am happy, and when we’re apart or he’s mad at me, I’m so distraught. This shouldn’t be, especially if he doesn’t love me. This sucks big time.

Fuck!!!

I need a vacay! I miss Miami. Miami allows me to feel free. Hell, anywhere but New York City allows me to feel free. I know too many people that expect way too many things from me. I just want to go somewhere where nobody knows me. I want to go where nobody knows my name. That would be the best feeling ever. Create a whole new world for myself.

Mr. Secret is a jerk. I just want to ask him if he ever had an inkling of any feelings for me before he decided to throw our friendship under the bus. Fuck him. I’m done.

I should pray, right? I should just go take a rest. Quit my job and start a foundation to make money and then just take all the funds and go to Tibet or my dream… Vanuata…

Carmen xoxo

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