Love Love Love I Want Your Love

There are so many things running through my tired mind.

I should be worried about things that really matter to the average Joe, but I’m more caught up in my love life. I’m wondering why, even though I’ve put so much emphasis on work and my education, this love thing so important. It has always been important. Since I was a little girl, I’ve always denied that I was a hopeless romantic. Surrounded by boys for the majority of my life, I’ve always tried to be tougher and stronger than I had ever hoped I’d have to be, but I did it to survive. It is way easier to not get attention when you’re a tomboy. I succeeded very well for many years, but in the end, I wanted to be a girly girl. I wanted to be loved by a man that saw everything wonderful in me that I saw in myself as a soft, sensitive woman.

Romance is my thing. I hate to admit that I occasionally enjoy watching hopeless romantic movies, where the ugly duckling becomes a beautiful princess and gets her prince. Isn’t that what we women have grown up on, and are taught can happen to us if we domesticate ourselves and hope and pray? Fairytales, but sometimes these tales do come true.

I’ve concentrated on working on myself and making myself whole. I’m learning to just kind of say bs and call bullshit whenever I feel like it. I call bullshit when people tell me these clichés like “when you stop looking for someone, they will come to you”, or “just pray and God will send the one for you soon”. Now I believe in the power of my God, but sometimes, the answer is simply to wait. We can’t all get everything we want, when we want it. Am I right or am I right? All I’m saying is this: sometimes, when we are looking, we do find someone. May not be the one, but it is someone. There are also times when we don’t look and the living devil from hell finds us, and we think, “oh wow! See! I’ve waited and I’ve stopped looking, and I’ve been rewarded with this wonderful person”, and then, years down the line, you realize you really did get with satan. How ironic?

My advice is nothing cliché. If you want to look, go ahead. Just know that you open yourself to more pain and drama when you look because everything is out there. If you do not have a powerful, discerning character, it will become more difficult to date in today’s world. When you pray, have patience and faith. Don’t expect for the man or woman of your dreams to knock on your door after you’ve said “amen”! It’s not impossible, but highly unlikely, and I’m a hopeless romantic, so trust me on that one.

Learn to enjoy yourself. Learn to enjoy every moment that you spend with yourself, and get to know yourself more. Regardless of who may come in and out of your life, you will always be with yourself until the day you die. Try not to be so out of body. Know that when you go to get a pedicure, or shave your beard, it’s for you, and not for others. Spend time in silence and listen to your heart beat. Sit around doing nothing every so often and get to enjoy your own company. When you bathe, spend time caressing your own skin and looking at your elbows or nails. Look at how perfect you are, and find the beauty in yourself. Praise God for making such an awesome creation. When you lotion your skin, spend time rubbing in the cream gently. Take your time. Time is a funny thing. It causes us to rush and miss the many moments that we should savor.

When Mr. The One gets here, I’m sure I’ll shout it from the mountain tops. Till then, I’m just going to keep writing, and being a hopeless, shameless romantic.

How I’ve dreamed of us meeting? He would walk into a coffee shop and I would be reading a book, of course. He would ask if he could sit at the seat I had open, across from me. It would be a bright and sunny Sunday morning. He would get up and order his drink, and then come back to the table with another coffee for me. He would have apparently asked the guy behind the counter what I was drinking. Then he’d ask me about the book I was reading. I’d tell him it was Kate Chopin, a 19th century writer and he’s ask me if I lived in the neighbor. We’d hit it off immediately and for our first date a week later, he’d take me to the movies to see a remake of Jane Erye; anything to put a smile on my face, and a little like Sure Thing.

This is what we hopeless romantics do. We hope for the fairytale that presses on our hearts and we patiently wait for the right time and place to allow the story to envelope…

Carmen xoxo


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