See how much I love you? I took a picture of the sky I saw this morning. It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood…

Today is a beautiful and I feel amazing. I do believe deactivating my facebook page temporarily had something to do with my waking up on the right side of the bed. Also, turning off my phone at 9pm instead of 11 must have a huge significance on my psyche. The element of being here, but not being reached does wonders for me. If I am invisible, but always available, I am on call to the world, but the moment I shut down, I seal myself into my own world that doesn’t leave room for anything more than my own apparitions to haunt me, and that’s an awesome and truly gratifying experience. No need for a vacation. Just shut your phone off or become MIA. It’s not that difficult in today’s society.

It used to be that, many years ago and yet not that long ago, man could get lost amidst all the many wonders and hidden crevices of the earth. Man could say “I am going east”, and find himself in Timbuktu, and also leave a hint of mystery behind. Even more mysterious is to be found unexpectedly, but we call this “coincidence”. Ha! Well those days are gone.

With google and hidden or known tracking systems, Facebook and smart phones, we leave no space for surprise. We understand everything and everyone because we’ve been opened to so many things, and yet, by days end, we are consumed with fatugue, disenchanted hearts and a gutted esteem. We never feel as though we are satisfied with life, but how can we be? We are mere pawns, buying, selling, protecting masters that will eventually sacrifice us. Who are we?

I am on yet, another train, but had I not told you, you would never know where I am. You trust that I am being honest with my whereabouts because you want to believe I am a wholesome individual. You want to think you know me. I want to believe I am wholesome everyday that I fall to sin and confess them before my God. I ask Him for forgiveness and I’m blessed with life thus far. Whether He truly finds favor in me, I honestly cannot say. Many a cruel man live out there old age, being monsters all their days, and still, would you say God finds favor in them? I cannot say.

The only thing I wish for is to stay off this grid today until I’m ready to deal with all the follies of other poor, angry, disappointed souls. At this very moment, I can’t deal with the extra. I want to be strong enough, but today is not the day. Today, I want to wallow in my comfort, PMS, chocolate, a fantastic hair day, virtually flawless face, fabulously comfortable outfit and my own mind. I want to stay within today, even if others beckon to me to come out to play. I will answer them later.

Today, the sky is beautiful. The little plops off clouds look like a tiger print, and the sun filtering through each spacing creates a whole new background. That is what is above me. The pavement is beneath my mocassins. The air is cold and my jacket isn’t warm enough, but Kem sounds so good on my playlist this morning. I paid no mind to the girl smoking her weed on the train platform, next to me. I noticed no need for anger. I had no desire to be contacted. I felt no need to want more than this moment.

Have a great day.

Carmen xoxo


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