A Great Disappointment

I put away/
I push it back to get through each day/
and all I feel/
is black and white/
and I’m wound up small and tight/
and I don’t know who I am/

Everybody loves you when you’re easy/
everybody hates when you’re a bore/
everyone is waiting for your entrance/
so don’t disappoint them//- Sarah McLachlan “Black and White”

I feel exactly where these words, placed in this order, come from. Right in this very moment, I know that this will soon be me. Everyone will be waiting for me to enter and I will have to do my best not to disappoint them. The gig I have tonight may not go down so well. I am disappointed more so, in myself than anyone else. I have let myself down.

I thought that as my day progressed, I would be in a better mood, as these things occur from time to time in life’s roller coaster, but no. Nope. Nada. Noooooo. I had no luck at all. I’m still in a funky mood, just as funky as this morning. I hope I can climb out of this funk soon. I’ve got a persormance with a group of talented singers, and though the world doubts me, I’ve got to hold my own.

It’s now or never.

Carmen xoxo

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