I had to end things with Mr. Secret last night. I realized that I would never get the things I desired. I am very selective with whom I choose to deal with, which has proven successful and healthy for me, because the less people I open myself to, the less tragic I feel about my love life.
Well Mr. Secret has a serious problem with emotions. Last night was a sure testimony of that. He separated himself so well that I knew everything was purely sexual. There was no attachment there and his only desire was to satisfy me and be satisfied. Of course when he attempted to take things further, I stopped him. I wasn’t ready to take what we had to a full on sexual intercourse level. There was no discussion. I gave an out right no that was firm and consistent with my body expression and facial expression. There was no joke about it. I knew I would never allow him to conquer me.
The lack of emotion was so bad, that when I got in his car, he asked me if I was okay. I was, and I told him that, but I explained to him that we couldn’t do this again. He was perfectly fine with it. Guys, there was no debate and he didn’t even want to know why! I was annoyed by this. I decided that I wouldn’t even go into details about my feelings. I hoped that texting him would allow me to get across to him why I made my decision. His only response, after about 10 texts, was that what we had done would not change our friendship. This was somewhat a relief, but also, it bothered me that after all I had said, there was really no discussion. It really solidified my feelings that he was not interested in anything I had to offer, or even me for that matter, because even if his supply was officially cut off, he had plenty of others that were ready, willing and begging for a chance to get close to him. I guess he figures that it’s my loss. I know that it’s not. It feels more like his loss, but deep down, I’m not angry because I know in my heart he is not the person I need to have any type of relations with.