Y Am I An Eff Up?

So I guess my subconscious thought pattern was so negative from this mornings episode (in previous blog entry), that I really effed up today guys. We may not hear much from Mr. New Guy because he text me and said he has to give me space for the weekend, though I highly doubt that he did it for me.

I think I really pissed him off today. My texts sound like a confused mad woman. What was I trying to do? Well get rid of him before he got rid of me, for one, and also keep my dignity, remaining on top because I was the one that did the repelling, and not the other way around. Had it been the other way around, I would have been mortified, but oddly enough, I feel horrible!

I really like him! Ugh!

So here’s where it went downhill. We were texting… I know! I know! We totally had a misunderstanding because I told hom I was falling and he thought I meant that I loved him, and he said he didn’t feel the same yet and blah blah blah. Unfortunately now, after sending like 10 messages trying to explain myself and make him feel like an idiot, I sabotaged myself. I don’t think he’s tough enough to handle me. I also think I need to stop playing this game and allow myself a real chance at happiness.

Carmen xoxo


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