Just So You Know

Mr. New Guy did well for himself yesterday. I do believe in redemption. I think redemption was what kept my ex going for so long. I’m still trying to process the way things have all come to be. I thought about him this morning, and though I can’t lie and say I don’t still have love for him, I don’t have any feelings of attachment, loyalty, devotion or love for him that you would feel when you’re in love with someone. I think that’s because the more I allow myself to open up to Mr. New Guy, the less I give a damn about my ex. It’s easier for me to remember that he hurt me beyond belief now. It’s easier for me to remember why I said enough is enough. It’s easier for me to let go of the past and focus on my new future.

Now I’m not putting all my eggs in one basket. Oh no! I’ve learned my lesson. I don’t think I’ll totally give my heart to anyone unless we say “I do” at an alter. People these days usually have ulterior motives, and it’s for us to assess a situation properly before we start giving so much of ourselves to others. Most of us want to be loved to fill a selfish void, knowing good and well that we have no business being in a relationship right now. I know good and well that I need to learn more about myself before I just start jumping into anything. That’s why I like Mr. New Guy! He isn’t pressing me for anything else than just to get to know me. He understands that I’m celibate, and he isn’t pushing me for anything. Do I care that he may be getting fullfilled from others? Not really. I don’t want to be pressed so it doesn’t bother me.

Right now, I’m focused on the situation at hand. Remember I spoke to you guys about taking things minute by minute? That’s all we can do.

I’m enjoying the talks, the honesty, getting on his nerves (which is difficult because he is a very free spirit that doesn’t allow much to bother him), spending quality time together by being around each other physically (and not via web, text, phone), and soaking up the beggining when everything is nice.

Ok, so here’s the date details for those of you that are not following me on facebook or twitter yet:

I had just left campus and I hopped on the A train to 34th, got off at 33rd & 8th (momentarily lost) and walked to the Starbucks by Macy’s. Sometimes when you sont get off where you always do on the train, when you come up to the street, you need a moment to realize where you are. You say “ok, I see the Fridays and the Duane Reade so I need to be down the block and on the left. I hate when that happens though. I feel like a tourist in my own city.

I had already warned him about not eating a morsel of food all day, and that I was ravenous. I was so hungry that when I saw him, I grabbed him and I went to grab a burger and fries (I know, I know). Then we went in to a few stores that he loved, like H&M and such. I’ve been watching my money so I didn’t even bother to tempt myself. H&M has some really nice things though.

Anyway, we walked to 14th (Union Square is where I would love to live) and Avenue of the Americas, and then went to one of my favourite stores (minus the price) Urban Outfitters. I was dissappointed in their sale section, but it was good because I wasn’t supposed to be purchasing clothing anyway. We went to Chipotle and because it was his first time (I know… gasp) we had a chicken burrito with extra corn! I nearly had an orgasm. Chipotle is awesome! I love Mexican food though. After that, we went to a sex shop (oh yeah) XXX and after that, we walked to Bleeker, home of some of my favourite shops like Marc Jacobs, Juicy Couture, and Magnolias (with their to-die-for, sinfully delish red velvet cupcakes that eagerly make you welcome 5 lbs.). Apparently Burberry is also on it’s way because I no longer see the Jacobs by Marc Jacobs store :(.

After all this, we walked back. I told him I was thirsty and he went and bought me a bottle of water. For some reason, I was turned on by this sweet gesture because for some reason, I’m still thinking most men don’t like to pay for anything. I have to remind myself that only my ex thought that way. Anyway, he thought it was cute that I thought his gesture was cute and we started making out on 12th and 8th. Everyone just walked around us as if there was nothing new to our assembly! Ha! But he’s a great kisser! I actually forgot what I was saying because he caught me mid sentence. I was a little mad at myself.

HE’S NOT SUPPOSED TO MAKE ME FEEL LIKE THIS! Ha!

We walked back to the train and he took it to his stop and then gave parting kisses before he hopped off. I was all smiles as I put my headphones in my ears and turned up GASP Raheen DeVaughn’s “You”. I know guys, I know, but his voice is like doves cooing me to sleep with their lullaby… it’s a love/ dislike thing.

So maybe Mr. New Guy’s a keeper, but like I said, one minute at a time…

Carmen xoxo

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