Today was a pretty productive day. I got upset with myself because I annotated in one of my brand new text books for a critical anaylzing class I’m taking. I was bummed because even though I was just doing the assignment, I HATE marking up books! For all you men out there that are falling inlove with me, if you want to know how I would treat my man, just take a look at my book case. I touch books often, but yet they always look good. Never battered or bruised, torn or welted. I treat my books like children, because essentially, my books, my writing, my artwork and my music are the only possessions I have that I can truly say are prized to a great extent. I won’t treat you bad boo!!

There is a point to today’s madness. I spent the evening yesterday procrastinating. I sat down to read 2 short stories, type up two thesis and 6 supporting arguments, read 4 poems, write a 4 page paper on your favourite poem (I chose a Robert Hayden poem I adore that’s not really my favourite but I love it anyway- “Those Wnter Sundays”), and read half of Emily Dickenson’s Selected Poems. Honestly y’all, it went so well. Here’s the deal. I know I constantly say that I’m going to stop, but I am truly considering it today. I think when I get in tonight, I’m going to start some school work. Lord have mercy!!! Am I ready for this? Well I need to be, because last night I thought my heart would beat right out of my chest. It’s ridiculous how much creative juices flow when you’re pressed for time, but honestly, is it worth it? I feel like a zombie right now.

Maybe it’s time for me to grow up and just stop fiddling around the assumption that procrastination is good for me, and that my best work comes from a frantic place. I’m sure if I keep this up, I’ll be suffering from really bad anxiety.

I overheard some girls in the bathroom today after my first class talking about how they can’t focus on school work when their on the train or during the day at home. I thought I was the only one. I was thinking about getting evaluated for A.D.D., but now I know I’m not alone. I guess it’s also about prioritizing the time I have properly.

I’ll let you guys know how it goes.

Carmen xoxo


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