You’re A Jerk

Since I’ve begun my lock journey, I’ve noticed that the attention I used to receive has slowly started to disappear. It’s funny because I’m always reading other blogs and journal articles and books, and since I have embarked on this winding, narrow, somewhat lonely road, I’ve been hearing the same thing: most men are not fond of women with dreadlocks.

At first, I didn’t want to believe this. I didn’t see why a lot of men should be bound by societal ideals of what beauty is. I grew up on the notions that “beauty is in the eye’s of the beholder” and that “beauty is only skin deep”. I used to believe that my natural hair was to be tamed and covered, altered to perfection so that others might see the beauty in it. All the while, my hair was struggling to be its true self, coiling and curling, softly unassuming, beckoning that I let it be free to each wisp and strands true nature.

Time would have it that I would heed to its deep desires. Time would have it that I’d see just how perfect each twirl was in its own. My hair was my hair. My hair was not to be destroyed because of how people may think. I did not need to conform to the “perception” of man. I should have my how I like because that’s the way I want it and not because I feel if I don’t have it straightened, no one will be attracted to me or accept me for who I am.

When my hair was straight, I kid you not guys, I would have to mentally prep myself for all the men I knew would want to stop me to just “holla” or “have a word” with me. It was overbearing. They would all somehow believe that the 18 inches of hair was my own! The moment I let my natural hair just be, that all changed.

Last week, I had a guy try to get at me! Not in a positive way! He was trying to come at me and said something along the lines of no man wanting me. Of course I had a smart come back that hit below the belt just enough to damage his male ego without coming across as a total biotch, but trust me, he was barking up the wrong tree.

SIDE NOTE: I have three brothers and I am the only girl, so I know I how to handle a man that thinks he can play me. He’ll wish he was playing on a whole different instrument. Don’t you ever dare think I will allow you to hurt and degrade me to supe up your insecure male ego. Shallow idiot.

I digress.

That day, my hair looked like a fuzz ball and I did not care. I had a date the next day with the new Mr. Guy I told you guys about so I was going to fix up myself that night. Even still, this guy was dead wrong. His idea of beauty was embossed with the image of (because I KNOW his type from what he goes after) long weave wearing, slender/skinny, fair skinned women. Well guess what? I don’t care if I am the total opposite of that! I deserve respect regardless because I am a respectful person. I don’t go around disrespecting people just because they are not my “type”. Trust me… I was so annoyed by this guys comments, but what annoys me most is that he isn’t the only man that thinks this way.

A woman should be prized for her inner and outer beauty. A woman should be respected for the respect she shows to herself, others, and our Earth. A real woman is always moving forward, making the best out of whatever life hands her. She is a warrior, even when everything is going wrong around her. She speaks for those whom are vulnerable and have no voice. She is more than just a superficial barbie doll that worries about getting her manicure and hair done. She knows that there is a greater higher being and accepts that she has a greater higher calling in life that propels her to push against all adversities. I am a real woman. Don’t ever try to diss me, jerk!

For all the men that don’t like women with natural hair, or plus sized women, or woman with curves, or a woman that has her own thoughts and sees more to life and the planet we live on than what it has to offer her, wise up. I’m not saying that your preference is wrong. We are all entitled to what we like. Just know why you like what you do. Is it because long, straight, European hair is what is acceptable? Think about it. Is it because you are surrounded by people with that mentality? Think about it.

I love my hair. I know that for the few men out there that like it too, it’s because they have questioned why they do. I’m not saying my hair is better now than it ever was before. Nope. I am saying that I am happy. I am saying that I enjoy feeling my own natural hair, and watching it change and morph, and become what it is each day. I love my hair.

My hair does not make me! I am still the same person, whether I have on a wig, a weave, a hat with dreadlocks sown onto the edges or a big ole afro! Dammit I’m me! regardless of what you perceive beauty to be, I am still me!

I love my hair.

Carmen xoxo

Ps- Mr. New Guy loved my hair too 🙂

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