Measure

“The measure of a woman is not on how well she prepares for everything to go right, but how gracefully she stands up and moves on when everything goes wrong”. -Unknown

I think I have yet to master this in my life. It isn’t easy to be graceful when the walls are crumbling aroing you, and everyone that was once beside you begins to scatter like leaves. It isn’t easy to remain that graceful and poised and elegant and feminine. It isn’t easy at all. I think that life can either mold us to push forward and become a great person, or allow us to sit back and realize that we are just the ones who watch others do great things.

I am trying to understand what type of woman I am. Will I stand gracefully and move forward, inspiring others to do the same when the going gets rough? Most of the time, I still have outbursts, and cry and rant and complain. I’m not perfect. I continue to pray and hope that one day, God will allow me to be polished and refined in this fire, so well, that I am humbled by who I was and grateful for who God molded me to becoming.

I can make things go right. I’m pretty good at planning at following through. I’m pretty good at stepping up to a challenge and executing it, or so I would like to believe. The truth is, without God, it’s virtually impossible for me to get anything done! I’m good at screwing things up and pushing people away when I need them the most. I’m great at isolating myself and beating myself up when I can’t get anything right. I’m good for that. Without God, I am nothing.

I thought initially, when starting this blog, that i’d be somehow relieved. I thought I would gain a large mass of people to follow my blog and sign up and subscribe, and read my thoughts on a daily basis.

I thought wrong.

My intentions for doing this thing was innocent, in the beginning. Soon, like most of us, my reasoning changed. I had to realize that I couldn’t do this for anyone but myself. I also had to learn that I should find happiness and security within, remembering always that even if no one ever reads Carmen XueLi, I still have a voice, and it is still important.

With that being said, thanks for reading everyone.

Carmen xoxo

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