Technology Blues- My Last Letter to YOU

Our obsession for the latest gadgets, emailing and staying in touch when we’re so distant has gotten the best of us, and I’m left to wonder where we all really stand.

I’ve found that I’m missing something, and it’s you. Where are you? I used to be able to ask without you telling me that it’s none of my business. I used to know you. Where did I go wrong? Must have been the very moment I underestimated the power of change, and convinced myself that I really knew you. Do we really know anyone? When I touch you, is it really you, or just a mannequin… a wax representation of you. I don’t know you anymore. Thinking I knew you was some straight bs. I don’t know anyone anymore.

You used to be my main man, my best friend. You were the one. Where did we go wrong?

You can’t change the past Carmen! You can’t trust your instinct and expect his soul to leap back into yours, so that you guys can be one again! Life isn’t a damn fairytale! Get real!

Not all love lasts forever.

Well guess what? Then we really didn’t have love, did we? When we stayed on the phone all night long… when we held hands in front of all your friends for four years… when we watched the sunrise together…. that wasn’t love? Wait wait wait… what the hell was that? What WAS THAT?! You know what? You keep that… whatever that was…

I’m gonna tell everyone I’m doing me from now on. Carmen’s got your number on block now and she’s just fine without you. Carmen already moved on and she has someone new to replace you… but it ain’t true boo… no one could replace… you… not even a wax representation of you…

Carmen is good. Carmen thinks you’re no good… Carmen’s friends thinks you’re no good too, but deep down, Carmen has love for you.

Because you see, I felt love. I don’t know what it was to you, but you… were… everything. You’re a man, and when they get hurt, they get cold. When a woman hurts, she waits for someone to come along and mend her heart. Well I was hurt before I even knew what love felt like… before I learned that kisses really do taste like honey, and that love really did feel like the summer sun dancing along rose petals. Now I know why they call it heartbreak, and why they say a broken heart NEVER gets put together the same way again… broken… BROKEN… shattered…

Well why the hell did you mend it the first time?

And the funny thing is… damnit! If you’d just love me the way you used to, it could easily be mended… because the truth will always remain… that you are the one…

I’m moving on. I’ve moved on. I haven’t done it because I want to, but because it’s the healthy thing to do. I’m doing it because everyone says I need to. I’m doing it because you don’t feel the same anymore… now… all of a sudden… and I don’t want to look like a needy has-been.

Then people have this impression that Carmen should get out and get herself together… get fabulous and get a sexy dress and go out with her girls but I’m not doing that! It doesn’t help! When I get home at 6 in the morning and I’m taking off my 4 1/2″ heels, I’m just thinking about you, and my empty room, and my empty heart and how much I miss your presence. I’m not playing that false game. I’m not about the pretense. I’m not about doing something cliché because it will make me “happy”. You don’t care, so why am I fooling myself. I’m gonna go home tonight and cry, because that’s real, but in the morning, it will be a new day. I’m not going to dwell on what we had because that’s the past. I’m ready for my metamorphosis. I think it’s time to get a new phone, number, or invest in a Nook and grow some real distance. If I’m reading, and you can’t call me, then I have spent that much more time not thinking about you. Hang you up… “flat screen”. That’s enough Nicki air time.

A lot of you pretending to love someone need to learn the laws of the universe… Karma is a @#$%&!

Thank you for listening to Carmen release. XOXO

Sometimes I wonder how you could have possibly become so cold. Sometimes I wonder if, God forbid, anything happened to me, would you come to my funeral and shed a tear? Would you tell everyone that you were going to marry me someday? Would even feel a little bad? Then I remember that this is the real world, and I can’t expect anything anymore from you, because you have no conscience. You feel nothing, and funny enough, now, I don’t either…

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2 thoughts on “Technology Blues- My Last Letter to YOU

  1. Juju aka Jus says:

    I think if more of us started conversing with ourselves, becoming hermits of the mind…there might me a little more sanity in this world.

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