I didn’t find it difficult to fall asleep last night. I actually went to bed exactly the way I normally do. I closed my eyes and I went straight into the sleep realm. The funny thing is though, guys, I woke up feeling so different. I couldn’t stop thinking about my experience last night, meeting my favourite artist. I guess I was really hurt, because I can normally let go of anything. I wasn’t expecting him to fall inlove with me, like a groupie, and I didn’t want to have his children. His fame doesn’t impress me. I am just a huge fan of his music and talent. I can’t help but feel totally disappointed.
I guess I need to stop seeing people at face value. I’ve spoken many good things about Raheem DeVaughn in my previous blogs. The niggah even has his own playlist in my phone, which, by the way, no other artist, not even Brian McKnight, Josh Groban or Jill Scott, Fantasia or Mary J. Blige has, which I should say, means quite a bit, because their instruments of voice, to me, is the best of the best today (amidst the ever growing industry of whack as hell r&b artists. I don’t regret going to the show, because he just proved that he is just as wonderful on stage, as he is in the studio. This is also not a Raheem bashing blog. He is a brother, doing his thing, and I by no means, want to take away from his beautiful talent that he shares with us. I guess I just can’t believe that he was not what I had expected, which will lead me into another blog after this. I just wish I didn’t stay that half an hour to meet him. I can’t believe the day would come where I would have said that. I wish I never met Raheem DeVaughn because he is a pompous guy, portraying to be this sweet guy, but the air and clouds around him was so thick, that I really couldn’t see who he had portrayed in the past five years. His image is changing, because from The Love Experience to The Love and War Masterpiece, I saw two totally different people.
A few of my friends told me he was moody and had a funny attitude, but I experienced his spirit yesterday and a part of me is still shocked, and I will be totally candid and admit, I am a bit distraught. I wanted him to say “thank you for supporting me”, or “I appreciate you purchasong the album”, or even “thanks for coming out tonight”. I felt like cattle as I made my way out the door. I was a number, and just another person that supported him, but isn’t that the most important thing a fan can do for an artist? Support them? My friends even told me that he only portrays a neo-soul personality, but he only dates caucasian women. Now I’m all about letting the love roam free, and I definitely do not discrimate. I just feel that you should portray who you really are. I want to adore the real person, and not the portrayed artist. Where did I go wrong? I guess I have to learn to separate Beyoncé from Sasha Fierce and Raheem DeVaughn from Arrogant Raheem DeVaughn. Maybe his spirit is like this because he’s a damn Taurus, just like my a-hole of a brother (the one I don’t get along with)?
I guess to be an artist, there is a certain image you have to carry. Confidence is fine. I’m not even hating right now. I just sit here, on yet another train, attempting to get into my office, and wondering what the hell happened last night. I know so many talented singers and musicians, and I myself, as a singing evangelist, and a singer, knows the importance of staying true to who you are. Maybe you have to have a separate image outside of who you really are. I just don’t think I will be quick to go to another show, but I’m still buying his new album that is set to come out/ release next year. He is still a musical genius of our time, and a master of lyrics, writing thought provoking music, and every note he since is as if he is painting in my ears. He makes me thank God for the sense of hearing. To be an audibly concious being, and to fortunate enough to be able to listen to his voice is truly one of my greatest pleasures. Music lovers and singers know what I am talking about. I wish him all the best, and more success than he can even imagine. Am I still a huge fan? After last night, I must be real and tell you all that some part of me died when I met the artist.
The accusation of buying or “copping” a bootleg cd is beyond atrocious. I don’t do bootleg. I always do the real thing, which is partially why I went to see his ass in the first damn place, and I got my seat and sat and watched him run around, and while all these other groupies were throwing their panties and even BRAS at him (yes… bitches were throwing bras… more than likely a cougar walking around with saggy baggies… because there were so many cougars there… shout out to all the cougars… but nevertheless, I found it amusing, and it made me chuckle), my ass sat right where I was. Why? I was there for a show, and not to try to get him to notice me or want me, or fall inlove with me because of my outfit! Not because he’s Chrisette Michelle’s cousin and I want to sleep with him to be his baby mama! Not because I’m one of the hood rat ho’s that wanted to stay back to beg him for some time or attention. That ain’t me damnit! LOL!
I’m going back to listening to my jazz, dead people, and people that are too old to do shows anymore. Forget loving “different” artists. He doesn’t even put out the same type of music anymore. “B.O.B.” and “Customer” is so different from “Breathe” and “The Love Experience”, and yes DAMNIT even freaking “Soulmate”! It’s not even about growth with him. It’s about a total change and producing music that will bring in a broder audience. Now he’s doing hip-hop, and soul has taken a back seat. I guess it’s all about the money for him. Hey, why should I be disappointed? He is just like everyone else. He put on a show, made his money, and had panties thrown at him. My blog entry won’t even impact him, even if he were to ever see this (which will never happen). The worse part about all this is that I’m starting to catch a cold because I was standing out in the cold for his ass, only to have eventually met up with nothing I anticipated. I’m just hurt. I don’t know how to feel! Wow Raheem. Maybe he was having a bad day, but I keep telling myself that I need to stop making excuses for people. What they show me is who they are. That was him and I have to accept that. I guess that’s the way of the world, and I am seeing the reality of it all. Ahhhh. Life. Ugh.
To think, I had wanted to to be his back up singer so I could hear him sing all the time.